The Unexpected

I’ve been keeping something to myself for a few months now.  Something unexpected.  Something nice.  Something a little confusing.  For three and a half months, I’ve been watching and waiting and wondering and wishing.  I’ve been monitoring and second guessing and speculating and hoping.  But all in my own head, alone.  I’ve not dared to articulate it, even to Phil, for fear that fate would be listening and change it.  Or the gods of destiny would notice and send me on a different path.  My usual path.  But now I’m going to shout it out and celebrate. 😛  Amazingly, wonderfully, thankfully, for the first time since getting ill, my health has not skydived in Autumn!  In fact, it’s now Winter, and I’m still going strong. 🙂

Since developing Pulmonary Hypertension, I’ve lived through seven Autumns.  And during each previous one of them, my health has skydived.  Come the Fall, I normally become a hibernating hedgehog.  The hustle and bustle and busyness of the Summer months, is very quickly and dramatically replaced by not-a-lot.  Inactivity.  Sitting on my sofa.  First and Second gear.  My fatigue levels dramatically rise, my energy levels fall.  My breathing worsens, my oxygen needs are increased.  Excursions are few and far between, visits are shortened.  Recovery takes much longer, chores are abandoned.  Awaking tired, shivering under a blanket, and pyjama days, become the norm.  Autumn is a season of early nights and late mornings.  And Phil doing much more of the housework!  Sometime around September, my body clocks off for the year… until the Spring.  It’s become my cycle.  And so, every fall, as the days draw in and the temperature drops, I wait for the inevitable to happen.

And in that way, this year has been no different.  Except it has.  As usual, I waited for the sharp downturn.  I waited and waited and waited and waited.  But strangely and miraculously, even though it is now December… I’m still going strong!  August and September and October and November have all passed by, without me falling in to my deep winter sleep. 😀  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not fifth gear ‘Solar Powered Sarah’ of the peak Summer months, but I’m not far off. 🙂  So instead of a few visits and treats, my diary has remained unexpectedly full.  Instead of sofa day after sofa day, I’ve been keeping busy ticking tasks off my never-ending job list.  Instead of Phil taking over as house-husband, I’ve been washing up and cooking and doing the laundry still (much to his relief! 😉 ).  Instead of freezing and becoming a cold-blooded reptile, I’ve not yet needed to wear my warm thermals.  I even had bronchitis for two weeks and life carried on!  I’ve been happily driving along in fourth gear for months now.  And it’s been wonderful. 🙂

So it’s been a bumper Autumn.  Jam packed.  Pretty chokka.  In fact, I’ve had just two quiet weekends in the past sixteen weeks!  As well as all the fun that I’ve already blogged about… 🙂  I joined the National Trust and visited beautiful Waddesdon Manor with Phil’s Mum.  And enjoyed a nose around the servants quarters at Blenheim Palace with mine.  I watched a big car crash at Silverstone, when babysitting the nephews for the weekend.  And watched tens of Red Kites soaring above the Chiltern hills, for my brilliant birthday treat.  I stayed with my brother in the New Forest, and got absolutely drenched on a muddy trek.  And enjoyed a night away in Oxford with my girlies; we even ventured out for lunch.  There have been dog walks and birthday parties and hours of gardening.  There has been Chutney making, Christmas cake baking, and batches and batches of soup.  I beat my all time record on the six minute walk test (460m wahooo) at a checkup with my Brompton PH team.  And got the thumbs up to remain paused on the transplant list after a meeting with my Harefield team.  There was a fun day of play play play with Nate and Soraia.  And a full weekend of board games with Chap and Sal.  I’ve managed very long days and busy days and activity on the ‘day after yesterday’.  I even hosted friends when I had a chest infection!  It’s been a brilliant Autumn.  My healthiest and happiest since getting ill.  Thank you wonderful body. 🙂

I’m not sure why this year is different.  I’m not sure why my body is still coping so well.  This year’s defence against hibernation, is the same as every year before.  I’ve been religiously basking in-front of my light-box, regularly venturing outside for fresh air.  I’ve been avoiding germs, overdosing on Vitamin C.  I’ve been eating healthily, keeping busy, resting and relaxing.  Nothing has changed.  Nothing is different to last year or any year.  Well, except for one little pill.  I’m now prescribed Calcium and Vitamin D tablets.  There is evidence to link low levels of Vitamin D with fatigue.  So it seems plausible.  It seems probable.  I would love love love for that little pill to be the reason for my bumper few months.  My Autumns of the future could be transformed.  It would change my year, my world.  But I know my body.  And I know my roller-coaster ride.  I know my journey has ups and downs with no explanation, peaks and blips with no reason why.  So as much as I’d love to dream and hope and get excited about ending my September hibernation… I know that this up could just be another one of those unexplained times.  Pure luck and chance.  Not causal, just coincidental.  A bit of random good fortune.  The gods of destiny smiling kindly on me. 🙂 

I’m not sure how long I’ll stay in fourth gear.  I’m not sure if my body will start its hibernation this week, or never.  I’m not sure if fate is readying to send me back on my usual path.  But it doesn’t matter.  ‘Cause it’s been a brilliant Autumn.  My best since getting ill.  And I’ll always be thankful for these bonus few months of fun!:-)26102019_IMG_1372-2



One thought on “The Unexpected

  1. Love hearing your positivity! You are an inspiration. Also love the pictures! You really make the most out of everyday, it seems. I wish you continued good health and improvements in the new year and always!


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